Dollars and Sense: Talking About Money
Judy
Weber, Extension Educator
Kathy Prochaska-Cue, Extension Family Economist University
of Nebraska Extension
Issue/Problem: Many people find talking about money with family members and creditors difficult. Even single people may be troubled by financial issues and talking or thinking about them.
The purpose of this Dollars and Sense module is to provide educational materials about communication about money for short presentations and media. The overall goal is to provide information to help people better communicate about money. While the target audience is the general public, special emphasis is placed on communication between couples and between parents and children.
Learning Objectives and Outcomes
Participants
will:
1.
Know that people communicate differently about money.
2. Set a specific time for “money talk.”
3. Do at least one group activity with their children if they are parents.
4. Complete the Family Stress Questionnaire.
5. Recognize the importance of giving children the amount of financial knowledge
appropriate for the age and personality of each child.
6. Understand guidelines for talking with creditors.
7. Know where to get additional help with money problems. Steps
for collecting outcome and impact are included in the evaluation plan.
Research Base for this Module
The research base for this module includes university studies at the University of Nebraska, Purdue University, and many others. The knowledge base is extensive and continues to grow.
-3
news articles or radio features
-2 news shorts or radio spots
-9 teaching sections with one activity worksheet,
-2 sets of discussion questions, and
-14 PowerPoint visuals for presentations
of 15-60 minutes
-evaluation plan for both media and presentations
including feedback postcard prototypes for collecting outcome and impact data
-"Talking About Money",
University of Nebraska Extension Nebfact further support this module.
Resources
Used in Developing this Module
DeFrain,
J. (1999). Strong families around the world. Family Matters, 53 (Winter),
6-13.
DeFrain,
J. (2000). Creating a Strong Family - Positive Communication: Smoothing Out
the Bumps in Family Life, NF00-442, F-22.
DeFrain,
J. (2000). Creating a Strong Family - Successful Management of Stress and Crisis,
NF00-445, F-25.
DeFrain,
J. Family Stress Questionnaire, http://nuforfamilies.unl.edu/Family/CopingChecklist.htm
Lingren, H. (1998). Open Communication With Children
During Troubled Times, http://lancaster.unl.edu/famliv/Parenting/Family/
Myers-Walls, J. (1999). Talking with Children When the Talking
Gets Tough , Purdue University.
Preston,
S. & Prochaska-Cue, K. (2002). Dollars & Sense: Using Credit Wisely,
http://dixon.unl.edu/d&scredit.htm
Prochaska-Cue,
K. (1991). Communicating About Money, UN-L (Including Talk About Money worksheet),
NF 91-7.
Prochaska-Cue,
K., Weber, J., Dollars & Sense, UN-L, Sept.-Oct., 2000.
Rausch,
A.. (1999). Communication and Stress: Enhancing Communication Skills, Purdue
University.
Stinnett,
N., & DeFrain, J. (1985). Secrets of strong families, Boston: Little,
Brown, p.14.
Weber,
J. & Prochaska-Cue, K. Dollars & Sense, UN-L, Mar.-Apr., 2000
Weber,
J. & Prochaska-Cue, K. Dollars & Sense, UN-L, Nov.-Dec., 2000.
Reviewers for This Module
The following University of Nebraska extension educators reviewed this module: Cathy Johnston, Nancy Schmerdtmann, and Leanne Manning. Their comments and suggestions are most appreciated and have been incorporated.9/02
Dollars and Sense is a series of financial education level one modules in a total curriculum plan created by the financial management group of the University of Nebraska Sustainable Families Extension Action Team. Level one modules are available only to extension educators on the Sustainable Families Action Team website, and are being produced on a continuing basis beginning fall 2001. Sandy Preston, Extension Educator, is web designer. Judy Weber, Extension Educator, is co-editor. For further information, contact Kathy Prochaska-Cue, Extension Family Economist and Dollars and Sense co-editor, Family & Consumer Sciences Department, University of Nebraska, 123 Home Economics, Lincoln 68583-0801, (402) 472-5517, or kprochaska-cue1@unl.edu
Is it Money or Communication About Money?
It's not so much that tight money is a problem with many families -- it's often their inability to talk constructively about it that is the real problem.
Let's face it: lack of money is stressful. When people are stressed, they may communicate ineffectively -- so much so that daily living is affected. The family is a team. The team leaders, the parents, also need to think about how their conversations and reactions affect their children to avoid additional stress for everyone.
Children sense problems, even when they're not openly discussed. Don't try to hide financial problems from them; they'll find out anyway and become even more fearful. Children may blame themselves for the family's problems or try to take on adult roles to help fix them. Adults should explain to children in simple terms how these issues will affect them and what’s likely to be different. Reassure your kids that while there will be less money for awhile, your family is still managing. However, let them know that everyone needs to cooperate and pull together, and the family will be okay. Let children know their contribution to helping the family is valued and appreciated.
Instead of waiting until problems crop up, be more proactive in heading off serious problems. Try to have regular family meetings. Avoid holding meetings at mealtime or during family outings. Set some ground rules so that all family members feel they have a voice that counts. Allow each person to speak. Make sure every voice is understood. Repeating back what is said is a good way to do this. Avoid being critical or dragging extraneous issues into the discussion.
Adults need to make sure they understand what the issue is. For example, is it spending too much money, buying unnecessary items, or spending at the wrong time? Remember, compromise and negotiation sometimes might be the most realistic way to settle differences.
News Article or Radio Feature
Family Finances and Children: When and How Much?
When finances are tighter than usual, parents want to protect their children from the reality of the situation. They want them to have happy, carefree and innocent lives. But children, just like their parents, are affected by financial stress.
Even if you don’t talk with your kids, don’t assume they don’t know what’s happening. They overhear conversations and pick up on signs of stress in their parents. They may even imagine a worse situation than what is really true. A parent who remains silent communicates that there is a problem but it can’t be talked about. And children who lack information may blame themselves for the problem or try to take on adult roles to try to fix things.
If you’re the parent, remain open to your kids. Let them know it’s okay to talk about the changes. Help them understand how their lives will be changed. For example, there might be less money for things like school activities or eating out. Ask them for ideas about where to spend less money and how you all can still do what the family enjoys.
Just how much detail you share with a child depends on the child’s age, maturity, and personality, as well as your family’s values. Especially in difficult times, all children want to know the family will be okay. While teenagers and older children will be able to handle more detail than younger ones, talk with your kids about the situation. Use language they can understand to tell them how they will be directly affected. Above all, answer their questions and allow them to verbalize their concerns.
Share that you are afraid, angry or frustrated. Then they’ll know they aren’t the only ones with these feelings. Also share how you deal with your feelings. Perhaps you use exercise, art, writing, music, meditation or prayer as a way to get your feelings out. Show them such feelings are normal, and having a creative way to express them is better than holding them inside or exploding verbally or physically.
Even if your own family isn’t having financial difficulties, children may be concerned for others they hear about through the media or observe in the community. Explore how they perhaps can help others by raising money or collecting food for the local food bank. Help them understand that reducing stress means taking action, not just holding your feelings inside. And when your children take action, join them. Taking action will make you feel more involved and hopeful.
News Article or Radio Feature
Money Talk Guidelines
Talking about money is not easy. Money itself is a very emotionally-laden subject. Communication is a process most of us could improve.
Here are some tips to make “money talk” easier at your house:
Set
a specific money talk time. Twice a month is usually a good way to start.
Find
a place where you won’t be disturbed. Turn on the answering machine and
turn off the television.
Set
a timer. In most cases, limit discussion to 30-40 minutes. You’ll know
you’ve reached your limit when the talk starts to repeat itself
Be
sure everyone has a chance to talk.
Practice
good, active listening. Tune in to what someone is saying instead of trying
to figure out what you’ll say next.
Ask
questions if you don’t understand what someone is saying.
Avoid
judging or criticizing.
Stick
to financial topics. Don’t let other topics intrude in your money talk.
Allow
everyone to have a say. They’ll be more satisfied with decisions and work
harder to put them into action if they helped make them.
Encourage
“I think” and “I feel” statements. Avoid “You
always” and “You never” statements.
In
event of differences, be willing to negotiate a compromise.
News Shorts for Columns or Radio Spots
Why Does He Keep Talking or Why Won’t She Talk About Money?
Have you ever been frustrated with your spouse, partner or child because they aren’t communicating the way you think they should? Perhaps he keeps talking about a bill or planning for a trip but won’t let anyone else contribute an idea or opinion. Maybe she won’t talk about anything financial but suddenly presents the final plan.
Both are examples of different styles. The “talker” is someone who needs to talk things out. He or she processes information and generates alternatives by verbally saying and hearing it. The “thinker” processes information internally, getting a clear understanding and then sharing their thoughts at a later time with others.
Just as with many other personality traits, opposites sometimes attract. So Mr. Talker may be married to Ms. Thinker or vice versa. With understanding and consideration of each other’s communication and information processing styles, the couple can solve financial problems.
Communicating with Creditors
If finances are tight and you may be late with a credit payment, talk to your creditor before you actually are late. Creditors will be more willing to negotiate with you if you let them know ahead of time that a bill won’t be paid on time. Never avoid them. That only adds to your creditor’s uneasiness about getting your payment.
Read your contract before you contact a creditor. Know what happens if you’re late or miss a payment.
Decide what you can realistically offer creditors. Be sure you keep enough money to live on. Then put your plan in writing before you go to a creditor.
Dollars and Sense: Talking About Money Teaching Outline
This teaching outline is organized by topic with estimated teaching time for each topic. Additional information for teaching is included in the supporting NebFacts.
Overheads/Resources Download Power Point on Communication
OH
#1: Dollars & Sense: Making Money Work for a Good Life (5
min.)
OH
#2: Talking About Money (5 min.)
OH#3:
Qualities of Successful Families (5 min.)
OH#4:
Communication - Members of strong families (3
min.)
OH
#5: Talking with Your Family (5-15 min.)
OH
#6: Ground Rules for Money Talks (5-10 min.)
OH
#7: Money Activities(2
min.)
OH
#8: Coping Through Communication
Outline/Teaching Points
Welcome....! (OH#1)
A. How do you feel when you or a member of your family is having financial problems?
It’s not uncommon for money to be a problem area for families. Sometimes lack of income to meet basic needs causes the trouble. More often, however, the inability of family members to talk about money issues is the root of financial problems. (OH #2)
B. What’s the first step in approaching those problems?
Good communication is the first requirement for taking control of family living expenses. Trust, openness, and time for honest give-and-take, including both talking and listening, are essential. In a family business situation, such as a farm or other family business, the distinction between family and business finances is not always apparent. Good communication is the “lubricating oil” to help both the family and the business run smoothly.
According to research, (OH #3) one of the six qualities of successful families is positive family communication. Families that are able to cope effectively with stress seem to have a problem-solving style based on affirming communication. (OH #4) They have good communication skills and spend a lot of time talking with each other.
C. How can communication help me better cope with stress in my family?
For
better communication, try to: (OH #5)
1.)Recognize individual communication styles and skills
Some people process information internally. Once they have a clear understanding
of an issue, they can share their thoughts with others. Others process issues
aloud. They need to talk through problems to generate solutions.
2.)
Arrange a specific time when the entire family can talk about money.
Try to meet regularly instead of waiting until problems come up. 3.)Look
for a location where you won’t be interrupted. Then: (OH #6)
•Agree
to work as a team. Control of family finances must not be a power issue.
•Know
the issue.
•Avoid
judging or criticizing. Let everyone talk.
•Listen
to others...carefully. Ask questions until you understand.
•Compromise
and negotiation may be necessary.
•With
your family, decide on some ideas for financial activities to work on together,
such as:
a.
Practice writing checks. (Let them help write real checks!)
(OH #7)
b.
Hold family discussion on travel/vacation budget.
c.
Discuss charitable gifts for memorials, church support, missions. Make favorite
charities part of your family’s giving both individually and as a family.
Let the kids choose their own and give to it.
•Talk
over stressors with your family. This will help you cope. Talk with your entire
family, including your children, as appropriate for their age and personality.
Don’t forget your creditors. (OH #8)
D. ACTIVITY: complete Family Stress Questionnair and discuss findings.
OH
#9: Effective communication (3 min.)
OH
#10: Children, The Family and Money (10 min.)
OH
#11: Children and Money (5 min.)
OH
#12: Communicate with Creditors (5 min.)
E. How does strong communication differ from less effective communication
Lack of communication can lead to increased stress, strained relationships and problems in the family as well as at work. Conversely, effective communication (OH #9) can help families pull together, understand one another and cope with the short- and long-term stressors.
F. What do we discuss with children? (OH #10)
Children who lack information but sense problems often blame themselves or try to take on adult roles to “fix” problems in the family.
Talk with children in language they can understand about the issues that will affect them directly. Explain to your children how these changes influence them and what will be different. For example, maybe there will be less money for 4-H or extracurricular activities. Help them understand that there are issues, but that the family is managing.
Communication is a source of information, comfort and security. Involve your child in decision-making and problem-solving when dealing with sources of stress. By providing your child with the necessary tools for handling stress now, you’ll be preparing him or her to better cope with stress as they grow older. Be generous with hugs, kisses and other signs of affection. Your child needs love and understanding more than ever during troubling times.
ACTIVITY: Discussion questions (OH #11)
What do we discuss with our kids?
How do we know when children are old enough to understand or are old enough
they could actually benefit from knowing about family financial problems?
G. How to Talk with Creditors When There’s Less Income?
One of the greatest stresses of a reduction in income is the worry that creditors are all around, impatiently waiting for you to pay overdue bills.
(OH #12) Avoiding them is not the answer.
Read
credit
contracts to find out what happens if you miss a payment.
Decide what you can realistically offer your creditors.
Then contact them before they contact you.
H. Thinking About Money Talk (OH #13)
How do you feel about the way your family communicates about money?
What would be your "ideal situation?"
Where would you like some help?
Does everyone agree?
What are some of your sources of help?
Can you talk with the other family members about their financial mistakes?
Can you talk about potential money problems?
I. How do I get help? (OH #14)
In Nebraska, many resources are available, as close as your telephone:
•Rural
Response Hotline (A referral and support service for crisis intervention,
legal help and mental health counseling) - (800)
464-0258
•Farm Legal and Financial Clinics (Free clinics provide
advice on mediation, financial matters and legal issues relating to your operation)
- (800) 464-0258
•Farm Mediation Service (Brings parties together to solve
their disputes) - (800) 446-4071 or (800)
364-4296
•Food Pantry - (800) 464-0258
•Community Action Agencies (Housing, children’s health,
food) - (877) 557-2200
•On the Web, see the “drought” or “difficult
times” links in the site, www.ianr.unl.edu
or lancaster.unl.edu/famliv/parenting/Family
for more information on today’s difficult and uncertain times.
Evaluation data will be collected from presentations and from media use at two time points; i.e., a) immediately following the presentation and b) three months after the presentation for impact. Immediate feedback is important to justify the continued creation of Dollars and Sense modules, and creates input into the development of future modules. Impact evaluation will show changes over time in knowledge, skill levels, attitudes and behavior. An evaluation plan for presentations and for media follows.
Immediate Feedback. Immediate feedback from presentations will be collected with a post-then-pre evaluation questionnaire (see sample). Give participants a copy of this tool at the end of the presentation and collect them after they respond. Summarize results (see summary sheet). Save the summary to report after October 1 when the Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form is posted on this website. Also, keep track of any comments you receive as a result of the presentations you do so you can report this qualitative feedback.
Impact Evaluation. Impact evaluation from presentations will be collected using the presentation postcard prototype (see sample). Using the registration list, send the postcard to a sample made up of twenty percent of the total participants with a cover letter (see sample). You may also want to add an incentive such as a NebFact or NebGuide. Research shows that including an incentive increases response rate as does a reminder card sent two to three weeks after the first postcard is sent. Summarize responses on the summary sheet (see sample). Save results to report after October 1 when the Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form is posted on this website.
Media
Immediate feedback. Media use will be tallied. Keep track of which media releases you use and when, and the number of readers/listeners (see sample tally sheet). Summarize and report after October 1 when the Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form is posted on this website. Also report any comments you receive as a result of media use.
Impact Evaluation. Make note of any comments you receive that would indicate hearing or reading a media release caused a change in knowledge, attitude or behavior. In the month of October, report these comments on the Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form.
Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form
Each October 1, the Dollars and Sense Annual Report Form will be posted to this website to collect evaluation data statewide. A notice announcing the readiness of the report form will be sent through Keeping Up.
Dollars and Sense: Talking About Money Post-Then-Pre-Questionnaire for Presentations
Extension Educators: Choose the questions included in your presentation for the questionnaire you provide to the audience at the conclusion of your presentation.
For each question you are asked to respond twice: 1. As you would have answered before you heard this presentation on talking about money, and 2. As you would have answered after you heard this presentation on talking about money.
| Summary Sheet: Dollars and Sense Talking About Money Post-Then-Pre Questionnaire for Presentations |
Before |
After Presentation |
||
| 1. Inability to talk about money issues is the root of many financial problems | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 2. When talking about money, it’s important to listen. | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 3. One of the six qualities of successful families is positive family communication. | #True = | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 4. Families with good communication skills spend a lot of time talking with each other | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 5. Some people may need more time before they talk because they process information internally | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 6. Some people process information by talking about it aloud | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 7. Try to meet regularly to discuss money instead of waiting until problems come up | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 8. Find a place to talk where you won’t be interrupted | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 9. Avoid judging or criticizing during money talks | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 10. Family money activities might include writing checks to pay bills, discussing a vacation, or making decisions about giving to charities | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 11. Effective communication helps families understand one another, pull together, and cope with stressors | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 12. Children who lack information about their family’s financial situation may blame themselves or try to take on adult roles to fix the problem | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 13. Help children understand when there are financial problems that the family is managing and will be okay | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 14. By involving children in financial discussions you are preparing them to better cope with money when they are older | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
| 15. Never avoid creditors when bills are overdue | #True= | #False= | #True= | #False= |
Dollars
and Sense: Talking About Money Postcar
___Contact
creditors before they contact me if I might be late in paying.
Comments:
We greatly appreciate the time you’ve taken to fill out this card and return to us.
Thank you.
Summary Sheet: Dollars and Sense Talking About Money Presentations Postcard
Extension Educators: Use this summary sheet to record the responses from the credit presentation postcards you send.
___Have
set times to talk about money.
___Avoid
judging or criticizing when talking about money.
___Let
everyone talk.
___Compromise
and negotiate when necessary.
___Do
at least one money activity together.
___Have
discussions about vacations and travel as a family.
___Have
family discussions about charitable giving.
___Include
children when appropriate.
___Contact
creditors before they contact me if I might be late in paying.
Comments:
Dollars and Sense: Talking About Money Cover Letter for Presentation Postcard
Extension Educators: Print this letter on your letterhead. You may want to personalize it with some additional comments.
(Date)
Several weeks ago you attended a presentation by the University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension on “Talking About Money.” We would appreciate your taking a few moments to complete the enclosed postage-paid postcard and then returning it.
Thank you for your response which will help us continue to deliver research-based education to Nebraskans.
Sincerely,
SIGN YOUR NAME AND TITLE
Dollars and Sense: Talking About Money Media Tally Sheet
DateMedia Release UsedMedia OutletEstimated Audience #
Comments received as a result of media:
Extension Educators: Use the following tally summary sheet when you are asked for evaluation data.
___#
radio spots done
___#
radio programs done
___#
news releases used
___#
news shorts used
___#
media outlets used
Thank you for your response. Please return mailing this post card."
Report a tally of the responses you receive to the Dollars & Sense editor: kprochaska-cue1@unl.edu